Lexa

I’ve mentioned the guy (turns out he’s upstairs and I hear him through the kitchen vent) who calls Alexa every morning for several hours in the house of dementia. I was going to write a song for him, to the tune of Let It Be, and nothing scanned right, but I had the first line: I wake up to Alexa, every day she comes to me, saying words of wisdom, be my slave, be my slave.

That was about as far as I got when I noticed that the upstairs guy had dropped the first “A” of Alexa resulting in Lexa, and that he was talking to it as if Lexa was a dog. I kid you not.

Word for word, because I recorded it:

Sit Lexa.

Roll over Lexa.

Come ‘ere Lexa. Good girl.

And in the middle of this I opened my door and found an other sheet from Soundview. Soundview programs Alexa to do things that will get you to use it:

Here’s this month’s Alexa Tips:

  1. Speak slowly and enunciate, if Alexa doesn’t understand you ask an aide for help
  2. Try different ways of asking the same question: Alexa what is the news today. That might be too general. Try: Alexa what is the Political New in the U.S. for the day.
  3. Alexa: what is for lunch today (that was always wrong)

Meanwhile, the guy next door who actually has his marbles, says: Alexa volume very high. Alexa says volume at max. Then he say: Alexa demonstrate the barking of dogs. Repeat for each species.

Somehow that set off some repercussions and the guy upstairs got his Lexa barking, and someone on the other side of the building must have thought it was funny. She also got her Alexa barking.

And soon cats joined the fracas, and the whole place was a madhouse, as it usually is but not this crazy. People began peeking out of rooms to see if the place was overridden by pets, and through it all, somehow the fire alarm went off.

A voice came over the system loudspeaker saying to ignore the dog and cat sounds, that there was a flaw in Alexa.

And the fire alarm stopped.

And soon I was left with Lexa, roll over. Good dog.

Now I know that some of you are thinking that this never happened. But I made a tape of it, and have it in a special safe. I will play it for you in a few days, we’ll see.