On Oct. 22

Oct 19, 2019

Haven’t been writing much in the diary, waiting for my apt. with CIPD doc (the disease that has gone untreated for almost 20 months) and which this doc is supposed to be a specialist in.

Of course, I’ve gotten a lot of advice about there’s no sense in worrying about it now; take it one step at a time; and other homilies (if that’s what they are).

But the tough part of it is that everything I’ve read about the disease has said that you can’t really undo the damage it’s done to the nerves. You can stop it from progressing further but even if it turns out to be malpractice – it’s a complex case involving three different doctors as well as Humira, and I can picture lawyers from all sides firing at each other in the courtroom.

And in the end, even if I were to win money, I’m not sure it would be worth the time and effort.

The fact that after all I’ve been through during the last year and managed to keep somewhat upbeat is amazing.

I’m not someone that can see the glass half-filled or half-empty. I’m more factual than that. It’s a 20 ounce glass and you’ve got 2 ounces of water in it. One of the PTs told me that you need to “buy in” to the program. i.e. you’ve got to believe in the program for it to work.

I told her there’s also delusional thinking.

Frankly I just want to know the truth about my condition as best as they can get it.

I started out walking without a cane. Then I needed a cane. Then a walker. Then a rollater. And now I’m being fitted for an electric wheelchair.

I realize there’s a lot they don’t know; but I can see the direction of the chart line.

So let’s see. That’s my philosophy. And the waiting is always the hardest part.